YBother

Dear YPlan,

 

Before I get into things, I’d like to begin by offering you praise for your business idea and wish to express my unfaltering gratitude to you for giving me access to events that I would have otherwise overlooked. Entire evenings of anecdotes and memories have been created by plans consummated within your app, which offer me continual internal splendour when I think back to those lovely times that I will probably treasure forever (or until dementia sets in).

Now that is out of the way, I’d like to make a complaint: You fucked up my Valentine’s Day.

Let me tell you the story from the beginning.

Somewhere along the line I managed to convince someone that I am worth spending time with and through some romantic form of stockholm syndrome this has mutated into a long-term living together type relationship. I would say that we have lived happily together ever since, but I can only speak for myself; I suspect that she wakes up sometimes and wonders where her life went so drastically wrong.

One result of such a long-term relationship is that you simply cannot avoid Valentine’s Day (Hereafter referred to as V-Day). This is especially relevant in this particular relationship, as V-Day happens to also be our Anniversary. Sometimes I like to pretend that the universe has conspired to dress every commercial establishment in flowers and sex-shop lighting in honour of our love and that I am the star of a real life Truman show. Other times I get incredibly annoyed how suddenly full and expensive restaurants get on the one day that I am guaranteed to need one.

I digress… I cannot avoid V-Day and as such planned a lovely romantic surprise for my (infinitely) better half. Note the bit that said surprise; this is important. Surprise is the key bit, is what I am saying.

(surprise)

I booked an allegedly romantic night out at the London Aquarium as part of the evening, with complementary bubbly on arrival and a night-time walk around the many fishy creatures on display with drinks available throughout. This event was found and booked through your mobile application, the tickets delivered to my phone and my pride in finding something a bit different satisfied. ‘She will love this surprise’ I thought, mentally patting myself on the back so hard that my brain nearly fell through my eye sockets.

Little did I know that one of the wonderful, thoughtful features of the YPlan mobile application is to inform your mobile contacts (who also have the mobile application) exactly what you have booked and when, asking them if they would like to join in. Yep, that’s right. My lovely girlfriend got a notification saying “Hey Bro, so your boyfriend has booked this surprise night on Valentines Day; would you like to join him?”

She tried to be nice and pretend that it was still a surprise, but I can see through her like anyone with eyes can see through Matt Damon’s acting skills (slightly more so than say, glass for example). The evening was still wonderful and we haven’t broken up as a result of the incident (she focusses more on stuff like pants on the floor), but needless to say I was surprised that a company capable of developing such a wonderful application and business model could be so incredibly dumb.

As a rule for future V-Day time frames, I would suggest that all romantically themed bookings should not be instantly shared with all phone contacts that use the app. Firstly; it’s creepy as hell. Why do I want my Mum to know what I get up to… It’s a good thing I wasn’t taking her to something slightly risqué, like a Burlesque night or a gang bang in Romford. Secondly it will almost definitely ruin the surprise aspect of any surprise. It’s basically the same as handing someone their Birthday present and saying, “Happy Birthday! …I bought you a stapler” (n.b. metaphor only works if there is in fact a Stapler in the box, so for the purposes of this example please imagine that contained within said box, is a stapler).

Now I like using your application, but could you remove this creepy feature please? Otherwise it pretty much rules out buying anything for a Birthday, V-Day, Christmas, Anniversary, Leaving Present, Thank you or any other version of surprise evening through your app. Yplan Yudothis?

Or maybe at the very least, turn it off on V-Day yeah?

Other than that please keep up the lovely work. I very much like using your app and pretending that I am some form of social guru; informing friends and colleagues of all the lovely events and sights that London has to offer at any given time. I don’t think anyone has caught on yet.

Oh, except for my girlfriend of course.

By way of apology, I will accept an order for a new telephone system from you (this is what I have to sell for a living). Perhaps you can use it to call my Dad and tell him what I have bought him for his Birthday.

Yours Sincerely,

Robert

p.s. In case you’re wondering; it’s socks