To: Google HQ
Dear Google,
I can’t pretend that I have a legitimate or sensible reason for doing so, but tonight I decided to see what happens when you Google Google. I discovered that when you Google Google, Google is the top answer. Although I guessed Googling Google would give Google as the answer, it was really the precursor to my next line of inquisition (not Spanish). I immediately decided to see what would happen when you Google what would happen when you Google Google.
Now I can’t pretend that my heart wasn’t praying for this, however I more honestly expected some witty line about how I had broken the internet and that a horde of World of Warcraft fans or the Church of Scientology was already on its way to my house to beat me into some form of purée (or something like that).
Imagine my disappointment, when the results merely display numerous people questioning the results of what happens when you Google what happens when you Google Google. When I Googled what happens when you Google Google, I certainly didn’t just expect to be linked to various pages answering my question of what happens when you Google Google. I wanted facetious, I wanted smartarse, I wanted to be shown how ridiculous I was being with a concise and witty put-down. You don’t prod a bear in order to be treated like an adult and receive a dignified and mature grizzly response; you do it because you are bored and you’re not supposed to poke the bear.
In an attempt to see if this wasn’t just a test to separate the quitters from the committed procrastinators like myself, I gave it one last gamble and Googled what happens when you Google what happens when you Google Google. My disillusionment was complete, when the results for what happens when you Google what happens when you Google Google were the same as what happens when you Google Google. I mean, what kind of world are we living in? I gather Googling what happens when you Google what happens when you Google Google is Gratuitous time-wasting and not high on your list of ‘things to do’, however it would make my day if you could rectify this minor error in your otherwise lovely search engine craftsmanship.
Failing that, you could simply make up for the disenchantment you have caused me tonight by sending me a present. Preferably a Lego Pirate ship, so that I can build something to compensate for this sinking feeling (see what I did there?)
If however you do with to persist in treating me as an adult and denying me my childish whims, then we can do this properly if you like and you can buy something from me by way of a present. I work for an IT company that look after the stuff in your office that you don’t care about (things like phones and printers); would you like one?
Right. I’m off to Google what happens when you email Google about Googling what happens when you Google what happens when you Google Google. I can’t helping being an optimist.
Lots of Regards
Robert
The Derp of a Salesman 